sister resistor...

Mindfulness Week- Days 5 & 6

So…

Day 4, a friend and her partner invited my daughter and I over for Chicago-style veggie dogs, and they were so good! But the piece de resistance was the cushion they bought me! I’ve been eyeing a similar one they have at their home…. And they bought me one for my birthday! So amazing!

But…

It makes meditation way too comfy… I fell asleep both today and yesterday… Wompwomp… Only during the last ten minutes though since I’ve extended my sits to 40 min… Go figure…

And I’ve been using an obscene amount of obscenities… What happened to my Right Speech?

This Mindfulness Week has brought so much stuff to the surface, including my need to be contributing financially… I am really freaking out about it.

What I need to understand is that the Universe has provided me with a loving, supportive partner because she is what I need. And the Universe provided her with me and she says im exactly what she needs. And the Universe will continue to provide for both of us, for all of us. And my health issues will just be what they are. When I need further treatment, it will happen, although I must admit, I won’t rely on Western Medicine.

Another thing that came up is acceptance. My daughter has a project due where she has to show the relative sizes of different stars, to scale of course. We went to the craft store, because she wanted styroform balls. Once we realized she couldn’t just purchase many different sizes, she changed to clay. Me, crafter extraordinaire, suggested yarn. I roll yarn into balls all the time for crocheting, and I have tons of colors. She seemed disgusted that I suggested it. I told her I really can’t afford all the supplies she picked up, saving for India and student loans and all. I was shocked that she wouldn’t give a different, and less expensive, option a chance. I mean, it would score extra points in creativity. But no, she wanted what she wanted.

I was having a hard time believing that my child, who used to make everything from laptops to doll clothes out of paper and cardboard, lost her sense of creativity and invention. I kept thinking, “What will she do in college when there is no one to run her to Michael’s or Hobby Lobby, and no money to spend?” “Is she afraid to think outside of the box?” “was it too much Facebook?”

Then I had to accept the fact that she will be resourceful and creative when she wants to be. I mean, I’ve had to think outside of the box for a long time. Being the oldest of five, I always had to find ways to stretch the little money my parents could spare for projects. Being a single mom, I’ve done the same with my own hard earned money, making and stretching meals, crocheting hats and mittens for my kids for cold weather, shopping thrift stores for uniforms, selling crocheted creations for extra money… I just assumed my children would do the same at any given opportunity. But she, and my son, have to live their own lives, and all I can do is hope I set a good enough example for the two of them. I’ll love them in any case….

Mindfulness is every step… One step at a time… Im not perfect… Accept the things we cannot change…

One more day… Bodhi Day, here I come!

@tishushu